The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. But when you’re caring for someone with cancer, the season can feel overwhelming, exhausting, and anything but joyful.
Between medical appointments, treatment schedules, emotional support, and the weight of uncertainty, adding holiday expectations to your plate might feel impossible.
If you’re a caregiver dreading the holidays this year, you’re not alone. The pressure to maintain traditions, attend gatherings, and create “perfect” moments can intensify the stress you’re already carrying.
Here’s what I want you to know: it’s okay to do things differently this year. It’s okay to scale back. It’s okay to prioritize what truly matters—and let go of the rest.
At Choose Hope, we understand the caregiver journey because we’ve lived it and that experience taught us that hope isn’t about pretending everything is fine—it’s about finding light in the darkness and supporting each other through the hardest moments.
This holiday season, I want to give you permission to find joy in new ways. Here are five strategies to help you navigate the holidays with less stress and more meaning.
The expectation: You should maintain all your usual holiday traditions—the big dinner, the elaborate decorations, traveling, the packed social calendar, etc.
The reality: Traditions are meant to bring joy, not stress. When you’re a caregiver, energy is your most precious resource. Protecting it isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
Choose your top three traditions. Sit down with your loved one (if they’re able) and identify the three holiday activities that matter most to both of you. Maybe it’s watching a specific movie together, baking one type of cookie, or displaying a meaningful decoration. Focus your energy there and release the rest.
Simplify the execution. Love hosting Christmas dinner but can’t manage cooking for 20 people? Make it a potluck. Enjoy decorating but don’t have the energy for the whole house? Decorate one room beautifully. The spirit of the tradition matters more than the scale.
Create new, manageable rituals. Some of your old traditions might not fit your current reality—and that’s okay. This is an opportunity to create new ones that honor where you are right now. Drive around and look at some of the holiday lights or decorations near you. Share one thing you’re grateful for. Play favorite songs, or watch a movie. Small rituals can carry profound meaning.
Instead of hosting your usual holiday party, invite two close friends over for coffee and cookies. Instead of elaborate gift-wrapping, use simple bags with heartfelt notes, or gift cards that take some of the stress out of picking out specific items. Instead of attending every holiday event, choose one or two that truly matter.
Remember: The people who love you want to see you, not a perfectly executed holiday performance or display of specific gifts. Your presence is the gift!
The challenge: Well-meaning family and friends may not understand why you can’t participate in holiday activities the way you used to. Their expectations can add pressure when you’re already stretched thin.
The solution: Clear, compassionate communication about your limits protects your energy and helps others understand how to support you.
Be specific and proactive. Don’t wait until you’re overwhelmed to communicate your needs. Reach out to family and friends early in the season with clear information:
“This year is different for us. We’re managing [loved one’s] treatment schedule and need to keep things simple. We’d love to see you, but we’ll need to keep visits short and flexible in case we need to cancel.”
Offer alternatives. If you can’t attend a gathering, suggest a different way to connect: “We can’t make it to the party, but could you stop by for 30 minutes on Saturday afternoon?”
Practice saying no without over-explaining. You don’t owe anyone a detailed justification for your choices. Simple responses work: – “That won’t work for us this year, but thank you for thinking of us.” – “We’re keeping things low-key this season.” – “I appreciate the invitation, but I need to decline to protect my energy.”
Family dynamics can be especially challenging during the holidays. Some relatives may not understand why you’re veering from certain traditions, or may pressure you to do more than you can handle.
Stand firm in your decisions. You know your situation better than anyone else. Trust your judgment about what you and your loved one can manage.
Redirect offers of help. When people say “let me know if you need anything,” give them specific tasks: “Actually, could you pick up groceries for us next Tuesday?” or “We’d love a homemade meal we can freeze for later.”
The reality of caregiving: Cancer doesn’t take holidays off. Treatment side effects, unexpected symptoms, and medical emergencies don’t pause for your holiday plans. The uncertainty can make it feel impossible to commit to anything.
The strategy: Build flexibility into every plan so you can participate when possible without the stress of rigid commitments.
Use “maybe” RSVPs. Be honest with hosts: “We’d love to come if we’re able. Can we let you know the day before?” Most people will understand and appreciate the honesty.
Plan activities at home. When you control the environment, you control the variables. Invite people to your space where you can manage timing, energy levels, and your loved one’s comfort needs.
Create “good day” and “hard day” options. Have two versions of your holiday plans: – Good day plan:Short outing, video call with family, simple activity together – Hard day plan: Quiet time, favorite movie, minimal demands
Break activities into small chunks. Instead of a 4-hour gathering, plan for 45 minutes with an easy exit strategy. Quality matters more than duration.
Some of the most meaningful holiday moments happen spontaneously on “good days”—when energy is higher or symptoms are manageable. Stay open to these opportunities without pressuring yourself to create them.
Example: Keep simple holiday supplies on hand (festive mugs, special treats, a favorite playlist, book or board game) so you can create a spontaneous holiday moment if or when the opportunity arises.
The shift: When you can’t do “big” holidays, small moments become profound. This isn’t settling—it’s discovering what truly matters.
Morning coffee or tea with holiday music. A few minutes of your favorite seasonal songs while sharing coffee or tea can feel more special than an elaborate party.
Gratitude sharing. Share one thing you’re grateful for each day and write these down to revisit later.
Photo memories. Take simple photos of small moments—decorated cookies, twinkling lights, peaceful mornings. These become treasured memories.
Acts of kindness. When you’re able, small acts of giving can restore a sense of purpose: sending a card to another caregiver or sharing your story to help others feel less alone.
Joy during cancer caregiving doesn’t look like magazine-perfect holidays. It looks like: – Your loved one smiling at a favorite song – A peaceful afternoon without pain – A friend who shows up with exactly what you need – The strength you didn’t know you had – Moments of connection that transcend circumstances
These moments are not “less than” traditional celebrations—they’re often more meaningful because they’re heartfelt and deeply intentional.
The caregiver trap: You’re so focused on your loved one’s needs and everyone else’s holiday expectations that your own well-being disappears completely.
The truth: You cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential to your ability to continue caregiving.
Schedule it like an appointment. Put self-care on your calendar: 20 minutes for a walk, 30 minutes for a bath, an hour for coffee with a friend.
Accept help (really). When someone offers to sit with your loved one so you can take a break, say yes. When someone offers to bring a meal, say yes. When someone offers to run an errand, say yes.
Lower your standards everywhere else. The house doesn’t need to be spotless. Store-bought cookies are fine. Gift cards are perfectly acceptable presents. Give yourself permission to do the minimum in areas that don’t truly matter.
Connect with other caregivers. You’re not alone in this experience. Online caregiver communities, support groups, or even a text thread with other caregivers can provide understanding that others might not be able to offer.
When holiday stress peaks, try this quick reset: 1. Step away to a quiet space 2. Take 5 deep breaths (in for 4 counts, out for 6 counts) 3. Name 3 things you can see, 2 you can hear, 1 you can touch (grounding technique) 4. Remind yourself: “I’m doing the best I can, and that is enough.”
If you’re reading this as a caregiver, I want you to know something: what you’re doing matters. On the days when you feel like you’re barely holding it together, when the holidays feel more like a burden than a celebration, when you’re exhausted and overwhelmed—you are still making a profound difference in someone’s life.
The holidays might not look the way you planned this year. You might miss traditions. You might have to say no to gatherings. You might spend Christmas in a hospital room or cancel plans at the last minute. And that’s okay.
Joy doesn’t require perfect circumstances. Hope doesn’t require certainty. Connection doesn’t require elaborate celebrations.
This season, give yourself permission to: – Do less – Feel your feelings – Ask for help – Change your mind – Find joy in unexpected places – Be exactly where you are
However you celebrate this season, know that you’re not alone. There’s a whole community of caregivers who understand, who see your strength, and who are cheering you on.
At Choose Hope, we create cancer awareness products and donate to major cancer research organizations including Mayo Clinic, Dana Farber, St. Jude, Stand Up to Cancer, and others. Founded after losing our partner Chris to metastatic breast cancer, we’re committed to supporting everyone touched by cancer—patients, survivors, and caregivers—until there’s a cure. Learn more at choosehope.com.
We’d love to hear from you: How are you finding joy this holiday season as a caregiver? Share your story in the comments or with us via email or social media!
