How Do You Comfort a Friend with Cancer?

For a lot of people, knowing what to say or how to comfort a friend with cancer can be difficult. 

Sometimes, friends and family find themselves cut off from a loved one with cancer, inadvertently distancing themselves for fear of saying the wrong thing. Unfortunately, this happens all too often, and a loved one with cancer may end up feeling isolated when they need support the most!

While the best thing you can do is to be there for your friend during this difficult time, there are steps you can take to provide comfort that offer your friend support and accommodate their needs.

1. Process Emotions

When a friend is diagnosed with cancer, it can be emotionally difficult for everyone in their circle. 

Before reaching out to your friend, it’s important that you process your own emotions. Allow yourself to grieve and to be worried or sad – but don’t rely on your loved one to lighten that emotional load. While your friend will want to know that you care, they are likely already weighed down with their own grief, so try not to add to it. 

Instead, take it upon yourself to lighten your friend’s burdens. Allow space for them to feel sad or to voice their worry, anger, or frustration. 

Often, one of the best things you can do to comfort a friend with cancer is to listen and to offer them a chance to share their emotions.

2. Plan Ahead

Planning can be an important part of supporting a friend diagnosed with cancer.

To start, learn about your loved one’s diagnosis independently. Your friend may not be up for explaining every detail of their illness or upcoming procedures – and they’ve probably had to do so with many other people already. You can show you care by doing the homework and allowing your friend to be the focus of your conversation when you’re together.

When a friend has been diagnosed with cancer, it’s also important to ask permission before visiting or making plans. Be sure to check in to ensure they’re up for guests, and understand that plans might change. 

Planning ahead also means talking about the future. Don’t be afraid to make fun plans for the coming months, and give your friend something to look forward to.

3. Stay Connected

If your friend is diagnosed with cancer, you may discover that how and when you communicate changes. Remember that, in addition to adding doctor’s visits and medical procedures to their schedule, your friend may undergo changes to their energy levels or experience depression. All of these things can hinder regular and reliable communication. Don’t give up! 

One of the best ways you can comfort a friend with cancer is to maintain your connection to them, even if they don’t always respond. During this time, you can help your friend by taking on the emotional work of maintaining your relationship. 

Another important element of staying connected is following through. If you say you’re going to do something, do it! With everything else your friend has going on, you want to be sure you’re not adding disappointment or frustration to the list. 

Ultimately, the best thing you can do to comfort a friend with cancer is to be a friend. Be willing to laugh or cry, and be flexible and forgiving. Also, be honest about when you can help and when you can’t. While it’s important to be mindful of not adding to your friend’s troubles, being present in their lives and being authentic to your friendship is the most important support you can give to a loved one with cancer.